Bite Me
by the-singular-peep
Summary: "I heard Corn bit you again," "Yeah, you'd think I'd be immune by now." Nine times Corn bites Calamity, and one time she returns the favor. [CO WRITTEN WITH MY LOVELY FRIEND, MCAWSOME. ONE SHOT. COMPLETE. CALAMITY/CHALCHIUTLICUE. ICKY/ICHABOD. CORN/QUETZALCOATL. KITTY/KAJORTOQ. BETSY LEE'S NO EVIL.]


_**Bite Me**_

* * *

" _I heard Corn bit you again,"_

" _Yeah, you'd think I'd be immune by now."_

Nine times Corn bites Calamity, and one time she returns the favor.

 _*done in chronological order rather than the nine times then the one_

 _See notes at bottom! 3_

 _All stories have been cowritten by The-Singular-Peep and McAwsome; a full list of who wrote what specifically and the exact ages of the characters and time placement of each story is listed with the notes at the end._ _You can find the lovely McAwsome in my favorites!_ _Thank you for reading!_

* * *

 _Poker Face_

Kitty supposed that this actually was the very first time that young Chalchiutlicue had really _seen_ Quetzalcoatl, since she had been asleep with the Black Tezcatlipoca when he was born, so it was probably okay to let the child poke around a little. But, this was _her_ baby, or at least, he had chosen her, so to have this other little person all over him made her skin crawl. But it was okay, and she would deal with it. For now.

"Why is he so small?" The reptile inquired, her head cocking to one side as she inspected the bundle in Kitty's lap.

Kitty had to admit; her questions _were_ kind of cute.

"Well, that's because he's a baby." She answered warmly, trying to make her voice seem older than it actually was. Quetzalcoatl must have heard this, as he soon yawned, big and long, and stretched out his tail and arms before cuddling back into Kitty's warm breast. "Did you see how he's only got little bitty teeth?" Chalchiutlicue nodded. "That's because he was just hatched and he ain't done growin' yet."

Chalchiutlicue nodded again, then reached out a finger to poke the snake's cheek. He stirred. She laughed.

"Ey, he's soft!" She poked him again.

"Well, yes, babies generally are." Kitty retorted, becoming a little annoyed with the poking.

"Kitty, where're his feet?" She cocked her head again, and continued to poke, this time kneeling enough to poke around at the tip of his tail. The baby opened his eyes wide and let out a hiss. Chalchiutlicue didn't notice, or, didn't care.

"He doesn't have feet, darlin', he's a rattlesnake." Kitty bounced Quetzalcoatl a little, trying to calm him.

"Oh. Why're his eyes pink?" She poked beside one of the baby's eyes, causing him to blink that eye, then the other.

"Same why your's are red."

"Oh. Why does he not hafta wear clothes?" She poked rapid-fire at his tummy, to which the snake wriggled and squirmed, and cried out. Kitty put her own hand over the smaller one and pushed gently to stop the prodding.

"Babies don't have to wear clothes like you and me. He will when he's bigger," She paused, then gave the child a pat on the shoulder. "Why don't we give this guy a rest, no more pokin', okay?"

She made a face, then agreed. "Okay." Chalchiutlicue stood back a moment, then wriggled herself underneath Kitty's arm and onto her lap. She leaned her head onto Kitty's shoulder tiredly, then reached a small finger out to coo at Quetzalcoatl - not to touch, just to wonder at him. It would've been cute, Kitty thought, but he didn't know that he was not being attacked again, and he reacted quickly - he was tired and hungry, he didn't want to be poked anymore - and he chomped down on her little finger.

She screamed, more frightened than hurt, and Kitty quickly pulled the two apart, propping the now-crying Quetzalcoatl onto her hip and setting the also-now-crying Chalchiutlicue onto her feet.

"Honey, let me see it," The fox said, trying again to sound grown up in her not-quite-teenaged body.

Chalchiutlicue held out her bleeding finger, shaking and sniffling and trying to stop her sobs as to seem grown up to her babysitter. She was only little, though, and Kitty couldn't blame her for crying - the bite looked like it had hurt. But of course, the first time she had been trusted to watch both younger children at one time, this had to happen.

"C'mon, honey, we'll go find you brother," Kitty made sure the still-crying snake was nestled firmly on her left hip before she carefully leaned down to take the small lizards not-injured hand in her own larger one. She gave the other hand a quick glance, then let Chalchiutlicue see her smile. "It don't look like he gotcha too bad there, I think it'll be okay."

The only question now was whether _she'd_ be okay with two crying children and a two mile walk.

* * *

 _Calamity, Goddess of War_

 _{Two years later}_

Calamity and Corn had been stuck in the back room of Paula's house for at least two days. Or, well, Calamity's seven year old mind had _supplied_ that it had been days. In reality, it had been little over two hours in that little room that had been furnished with a few makeshift playthings, a quilt over the floor, and a small, ratty couch.

The older spirits were in the other room, and the topic was so serious, or needed so much focus, that the youngest members were not permitted too close. And with the blizzard raging outside, the two couldn't go outside, either.

"BORED." Calamity growled, rolling around on the floor a little. She kept rolling, too bored to stop, until she hit something cold - A little sleeping Quetzalcoatl.

"Oi, snake," She called, pushing the three year old's back. Her stirred, then sat up fully, rubbing his eyes free from sleep as he did so. He looked at her tiredly with his tongue plopped out of his mouth.

Calamity did him a 'favor' and poked it back in there.

"Let's play, huh? You're big enough for that, now, right?"

The toddler cocked his head to one side before nodding, a yawn coming out of his mouth as he did so.

"Great! I'll be the… uhm…" The older reptile looked around, seeing nothing but a small wooden crown and a strip of rug that had become loose. "A Warrior Goddess!"

And so she set to work, with Corn sitting upright in the middle of the rug, watching Calamity move from side to side. First she stripped the side of the rug off, with great effort and a fair amount of falling on her bum, then she placed the crown atop her head, and then she stripped, obviously having no shame of her seven year old body. She wrapped herself in the rug carefully, using red ribbons she had found in the couch cushions to hold it on as a kind of near-toga, though it was more of a man's toga.

Corn had to admit to his young mind, however. She did look like a princess.

"Now! I need my trusty steed!" She bit her lip in thought and looked around before her eyes landed on the snake. "Corn! YOU are my trusty steed!"

And then, without warning, she darted over to him and plopped herself down on his back. This scared the child to no end, and, though Calamity wasn't too much bigger than him, the extra pressure _hurt_ , and his fragile little body was feeling it. Without thinking, the toddler flipped his head to almost face her and took the closest thing to him in his mouth - her leg.

He wasn't good at words, and he had to let her know that he was hurting! And so he took her leg and sunk his fangs into the soft scales, telling her with every increase in pressure to _"Get off!"_

And she did. But when she did she was screaming, and her eyes were wide, and oh, dear, Corn didn't mean for this to happen. Soon the adults had rushed in, and Corn darted to Kitty, grabbing at her skirts and demanding to be picked up. She obliged.

"Chalchiutlicue!" Ichabod shouted, kneeling next to his sister.

"Icky, I feel sick," She cried reaching out to him. He startled suddenly, remembering how those were the first words she had spoke to him after being attacked by the Black Tezcatlipoca. He brushed it off.

"I know, I know," He quickly transformed to his human form so he could lift the tiny lizard into his arms as she struggled to breath.

"It looks like 'e got her pretty bad, eh?" Paula supplied, leaning in to look over Ichabod's shoulder.

Corn didn't know what was happening, but it seemed like he was in trouble and that his friend was hurt, and he didn't like the sound of that, and so he tipped his head back as far as he could, and began to wail.

Things happened fast then. Soon Ichabod had tears dripping down his face, and Kitty was rocking and soothing Corn too fast and too frantically for it to have any calming effect at all. Paula had darted out the door to brave the storm and find Ixtlilton, who was still the only one with any control over medicine. Ichabod soon had a trail of vomit running down his front from his sister's weak mouth, but that didn't seem to phase him as Calamity had begun gasping for air and having difficulty breathing. So much had happened, and within moments Corn had been whisked off to another room.

As soon as Kitty was out of there, she began to actually calm her little snake.

"Shhh, shhh," She soothed, brushing feathers out of his eyes. "She'll be okay, honey, she's got help now."

This was only the second time Corn had bit any body, and it was much more severe than last time, especially with how deep it was. But of course, Corn hadn't known any better, and Kitty knew that, and so she calmed the baby and soon enough, he was dead asleep.

When Corn opened his eyes again, it was dark, warm, and quiet. He whimpered, and that was greeted instantly with the soothing bouncing of Kitty's arms.

"You awake now, honey?" Corn gave a yawn and nodded, his face still feeling warm and sticky from his tears. "Well, I'll have you know that Calamity is just fine. See? She needed some medicine and just her brother mostly. See honey, she's doin' fine."

Corn sat up to see Calamity being bounced and rocked like a baby by her brother, who had changed clothes and was still in his human form. He was talking to her softly, and she was nearly asleep, with her leg propped and bandaged.

Corn nodded, but tears threatened to spill over his eyelids again. He had _done_ that, had caused all this. He looked back at Calamity, and this time was met with her sleepy eyes looking at him dead on.

"Oi, Corn," She called with a scratchy voice, "You're right, you don't make a very good steed,"

And then she smiled, and so did he, and it was okay again.

* * *

 _Feathers are Funny!_

 _{One month later}_

"They look strange."

The two youngest spirits were sitting on the floor, playing while the others talked. It being winter, and the two of them being reptiles, they had been confined to playing indoors, much like last month's meeting. At the moment, Calamity was brushing the toddler's feathers from his face, going on about how odd they were.

"They're all floppy and hangin' in your face." She went on to say. Quetzalcoatl stared at her, not truly understanding what she had said. What he did know, however, was that he didn't like the hand that insisted on touching his little fluff of down and not-yet-open shafts. He showed that dislike by leaning away, which had little effect.

"Just look at ya!" The young girl continued. "Ya look like a dandelion!"

Her comment earned several laughs from the older members in the room, and Calamity took it as encouragement to continue. She lifted a shaft, inspecting it closely. "It's like... somebody took all the feathers from Icky's face, and stuck 'em on a porcupine." She flicked the feather, causing it to bump his forehead.

"Chalchiutlicue, don't say such rude things!" Ichabod reprimanded, though the others found it amusing. Corn, on the other hand, would rather it stop. So the next time Calamity reached out to touch him, he spoke up.

"No!" His voice was still babyish, but the word came out clear. The other child was taken aback at his protest.

"Oi, I just want to touch the fuzz." She mumbled. Her hand started toward him again. Not knowing what else to do, he nipped at her.

His small fangs caught the flesh between her thumb and index finger. She quickly jerked her hand back, clutching it to her chest as she cried. Overwhelmed by the situation, Corn started crying, too. He hadn't meant to hurt her, he just wanted to be left alone!

Kitty rushed over to pick him up, shushing him while Ichabod and Ixtlilton saw to Calamity.

" 'M so'y," he said, doing his best to apologize.

"It's alright, Sugar," Kitty soothed. "You ain't in no trouble. Calamity'll be fine, Doll. You ain't done nothin' wrong." She bounced him on her hip, resting his head against the fluff of her neck.

* * *

Several minutes, healing spells, and tears later found Corn and Calamity snuggled on the couch, exhausted from their earlier ordeal. Calamity was laid out with her hand propped on the back of the sofa to minimize any swelling, with corn wedged between her and the padded back. Both had candy - one of the first lessons you learn as a caregiver is that kids can't eat and cry at the same time - and were quietly listening as Vinkle told a story.

Ichabod and Kitty stood watching from the kitchen doorway, just as exhausted as the children in the next room.

"I believe," Icky sighed, "that those two are going to grow into quite a handful."

"I'm 'fraid so," Kitty agreed, listening as they laughed at Vinkle's funny voices. "I'm afraid so."

* * *

 _Wake Up!_

 _{Two years later}_

Calamity sat there, face pressed against the glass, waiting for the sun to rise. She had been up for a little over an hour, and was bored out of her mind. She irately looked at Corn, who was still sleeping, curled on what might've passed as a mattress. She huffed before pressing her scaly nose back the the window, urging the sun to hurry so she could wake her friend - she may be impatient, but waking someone before the sun was even up just didn't seem fair.

This was always the worst part of a sleepover. Contrary to herself, Corn wasn't much of a morning person, and waiting for him to get up could be agonizing. This time, though, she was going to get him up early. Ichabod would be there by lunch to pick her up, and she wanted to have time to play before then. So, when the sun finally peaked over the horizon, she ran to the small cot they had shared, dropped to her knees beside Corn's face, and poked him lightly.

"Corn. 'Ey Corn. Time to get up!" The serpent did not so much as flinch. She leaned down close to his face, and tried again, this time louder. " 'Eh, Corn! Don't ya wanna play? Ya gotta get up!"

Still, nothing. Every minute she spent trying to wake him up was less time playing, so she decided to hurry and get the job done. Calamity climbed on the bed, not being at all careful to avoid squishing the snake's tail. She sat herself atop him and leaned down to get as close to his face as possible. She took an unnecessarily deep breath before yelling. "Oi, would ya wake up?!"

That he did. Frightened, he lashed at her face. Chalchiutlicue wasn't expecting that response - wasn't expecting any response at all - but reacted fast. She shot back, causing Corn to catch her shoulder instead.

Having heard the commotion, Kitty came in, still clod in a gown, and in absence of her glasses. The bleary sight she was met with was one of Calamity sniffling, hand tenderly clutching the base of her neck, sitting on Corn, who was equally upset and struggling to get away.

"Calamity, honey, what did y'all do?" Calamity, realizing the vixen was there, threw an accusatory hand at the child pinned beneath her.

" 'E bit me!"

Corn, beyond terrified, froze, his wide eyes locked on Kitty.

"Well, darlin'," she said, addressing Calamity, " it looks like you mighty scared him."

The girl looked at Quetzalcoatl, and saw that he did indeed look 'mighty scared'. She slowly slid off him - she didn't want to get bit again - and perched on the edge of the mattress. Corn, now free, flew off the bed, past Kitty, and into a different room. Before Kitty could decipher how to continue, Ichabod - having just arrived - concernedly leaned in.

"What happened?" He asked, spotting Chalchiutlicue.

"I reckon Corn bit her... again." Kitty sighed. "If you can see to this one, I've got to go find him." Ichabod nodded and knelt in front of Chalchiutlicue.

"What did you do?" He demanded, gently moving her hand from the wound. There was a swollen blue lump, with two little dots in the middle.

"I-I was just tryin' to w-wake him up!" She cried.

Ichabod wearily ran some feathers over his face. "Lets go."

"To Ixtlilton?" She asked, wiggling off the bed. She'd had enough accidents that she knew the drill.

"To Ixtlilton."

* * *

 _Boo!_

 _{Two years later}_

Calamity was bored. She was beyond bored. She was... there wasn't even a word to describe how bored she was. Corn was helping Kitty make lunch, so neither was able to entertain her. She feared the lack of excitement might soon drive her up the walls. Knowing that wouldn't do anyone good, she searched for a way to occupy herself until the food was done.

Cooking was out of the question. She had caused enough food related incidents as it was, and it lacked any sort of excitement.

She scanned Kitty's small living room for anything of interest and found... nothing. Just furniture, a rug, and the quilt hung on the wall. She honestly didn't see how Corn could even _live_ here.

She plopped down on the couch and swung her legs onto the back, letting her head hang off upside-down. She listened to the pair's - mostly one sided - conversation as they prepared lunch. Nothing worth eavesdropping for. But one sentence caught her attention.

"Quetzalcoatl, would you go and pick me some blackberries?"

Calamity perked up as soon as she heard it. The blackberries grew in a forest just down the road - she'd be able to get there before Corn, and set up some kind of prank.

She leapt from the sofa and quietly slipped through the door. Once off the deck she started running. She'd need all the time she could buy, and had to get out of view before Corn came out.

She was in thick woods before she stopped, and could see the berries a little farther in. Calamity had decided she would jump out to scare him, as she wouldn't have time to set anything else up. There was a sturdy tree with low branches hanging over the trail. Perfect for her to hang out of. She started climbing, pausing now and then to judge what branch would give her the best position.

She settled on a good limb and hung both legs over the same side, fixing her back to the direction Corn would be coming from. Now she just had to wait.

Within a couple minutes she could hear him slithering down the path, humming a soft tune. She glanced over her shoulder. She'd have to time this right. It'd have to be soon enough that she didn't hit him, but late enough for it to be close.

After observing his speed, she turned back around started counting.

1.

2.

3.

4.

 _5!_

She let herself fall backward. Her legs stayed hooked around the tree, keeping her suspended, but her face dropped just inches from Corn's.

 _"Boo!"_

She had barely finished the word before she felt a prick on her chin. _Maybe, possibly, that was a bad idea_ , she thought as her legs slipped from their anchor. She fell, catching Corn on the way, and landed hard on her stomach. And on him.

" 'Eh, Corn. It's just me." She said, crawling off him to sit a few feet away. "No need to run."

Corn remained laying on his stomach, holding his head in his hands. She leaned closer to him, worried he might be hurt. "Corn? Are ya okay?"

"Why do you do this to me?" He asked, still not moving.

"Well... because I was bored." He finally looked up, eyes going wide when he caught sight of her face. She lifted her hand to her chin, where his gaze was fixated. There was a tender lump, which would explain the growing sensation of pins and needles.

"Oi, you have _got_ to stop doing that." She closed her eyes as an unpleasant feeling crossed her stomach. "I think I'm going to be sick," she managed before gagging.

"W-what d'ya want me to do?" He asked nervously, wringing his hands. He was too small to carry her, she realized, and she doubted she'd make it far walking.

"Just... go get K-Kitty," she stuttered. Her tongue was starting to ache.

Corn hesitantly looked from her to the path out, debating if he should really leave her. But Calamity's cry of "Hurry!" Was all it took to send him speeding down the trail.

Calamity slowly laid back, not trusting herself to stay upright. Her head was pounding, her face was numb, her stomach was rolling, and... she would admit that maybe this had been a bad idea.

But that didn't stop the smile that split her face.

The horrified expression she had caught etched across Corn's face was _worth it._

* * *

 _Kiss Me!_

 _{Nearly one year later}_

Being not quite teens yet, Corn and Calamity still spent much of their time together - Corn seemed to grow very fast for his age, and seemed about Calamity's age even if he was a few years younger. They were very close; so close in fact, that Calamity was even able to convince Corn to help her become a criminal.

"Why are we doing this, again?" The small snake mumbled, looking down at the floor. Calamity snapped a large black sock over his face as he said this, startling him enough to where he looked her in the eyes through the slightly-too-big eyeholes she had cut in his sock. She snapped one over her head, too, the band squishing her fringe to her head.

"Because, Corn, we're robbers!" She grinned, though it couldn't really be seen through her sock.

He was slightly uncomfortable with this idea; he was a good kid, he mainly sat at Kitty's by the fire and let her teach him to cook, or to cross-stitch, or to knit. He never 'robbed' anyone. But, he was also softspoken, and, compared to Calamity's own loud, boisterous personality, he was often not heard. And so, they were playing robbers.

"Come on, lets go!" Calamity grabbed Corn's hand and began towards the door. "We can get past Icky easy, he's studying, just be quiet." The two children snuck across the room, carefully, on tiptoe, and then shimmed down the ladder. Calamity went first, then helped Corn down behind her.

"First we're gonna go spy on our victims!" She called, pulling a reluctant Corn behind her.

With reasoning mostly done by Calamity, the two were going to spy on Wrip and Vinkle. Icky would send Corn home if he caught them spying on him, Kitty would make them do chores, Huey had a weird house that they couldn't seem to find a window in, and Paula was just scary. And so, to Wrip and Vinkle's. It was closest anyways, and the two teenagers of sixteen and eighteen probably wouldn't mind too much if they caught them.

It took scarcely over ten minutes to arrive at the little farm house, and barely five to find a reachable window. Putting a finger to her mouth to hush the already quiet rattlesnake, Calamity directed him to steady the boxes under her. She climbed up on to the top of all of them, then peered carefully into the window, whispering descriptions of what she was seeing down to Corn.

"They're dancing, I think." She started, "Vinkle can't do it too well, and ooh, Wrip's yelling at him."

Corn looked up at her, pushing the girl's skirt down out of his face.

"Uhm.. can we…go soon?" He blushed, looking away.

"Yeah, yeah, hold on," Calamity stood a little higher, getting up on her tip-toes. "They're.. No, she's not actually yelling, they're laughing. He dipped her, and…"

All of a sudden, Wrip and Vinkle were leaning into each other, eyes closing and mouths parting, and then it looked like they were _eating_ each other, or at least licking each other. Forcefully.

Calamity slowly lowered herself down, her eyes extremely wide.

"What is it?" Corn said softly, spotting Calamity as she climbed down.

"Corn, c'mon, we gotta try somethin'."

* * *

Within twenty minutes, the two were seated across from each other in Calamity's floor. The socks had been removed from their heads, and Corn was beginning to notice a little bit of a rash forming on his neck where the sock had rubbed. He scratched it nervously as he listened to Calamity explain just what they were doing.

"Okay, do you get it?" She asked, rolling a little on her knees nervously.

"Uhm… so we… just... stick our mouths together?"

Calamity nodded, then looked doubtful.

"I think? I mean, it looked weird, Wrip and Vinkle were doin' it and it looked like it gave them some kind of revelation or somethin'. I don't want those two to figure something out that we don't know." She paused. "So we gotta do it."

Corn shifted uncomfortably, thinking. This could be nice, he pondered. Maybe Wrip and Vinkle had been on to something. He knew what kissing was, but maybe it was better than how it seemed to his child's mind. Maybe they shared thoughts or something when they did it. But it was a little scary, and it didn't help that Calamity didn't seem to know what the name of what they were doing was.

"Okay." He finally agreed. He gripped the loose floorboard under him. "N-now?" Calamity shrugged.

"Yeah, alright."

And suddenly they were leaning forward, slowly, and Corn could see Calamity's eyelashes brushing against her cheeks as her eyes closed, and her mouth parted slightly, and he copied her. And then he felt her cold mouth on his own, and he, nervously albeit, leaned into it and -

The door slammed open. Icky was standing there, shouting.

Corn was startled, and his teeth clamped down immediately onto Calamity's lip before yanking away suddenly, his breath heavy.

"Chalchiutlicue, you didn't tell me you spilled juice on…" Icky's eyes widened. "What is going on in here?"

Corn had darted away and was now hidden behind a desk, and Calamity was wide eyed, her mouth gaping open and bleeding profusely.

"You bit me!" She shouted, though it came out as more of a "oo it meh!" with her lip beginning to swell.

Ichabod sighed, trying to keep from laughing. These two were barely more than children, there was no reason for him to punish them for experimenting. However, Calamity's lip was bleeding an awful lot, and she looked like she was going to vomit any second, even if she looked offended over everything else. Ichabod simply made a face, then offered Calamity his hand.

"Come on, sister. Let's get you to Ixtlilton."

* * *

 _Food Poisoning_

 _{Three months later}_

It was cold outside. It was cold outside, so while Ichabod got to go out to run errands, a twelve year old Calamity had to stay inside at Kitty's. To be _babysat._ Really, she knew why she had to be watched. After the last incident of being left home alone for more than an hour, she really couldn't expect to be trusted - there was too much water damage for that - but still, he shouldn't have called it _babysitting._

But no matter, here she was, stuck inside, alone. Well, not alone, but Corn had come down with a nasty case of food poisoning the last afternoon, so of course Kitty was too busy caring for him to entertain her, and Corn was too sick to pay attention to her, even if they hadn't been distant recently. So she _felt_ alone, and that was pretty much the same thing in her book.

"Booooooorreddd," Calamity whined, sticking her foot out from the blanket she had been so forcefully wrapped in, mainly just to aggravate Kitty. The fox was flitting from room to room, going to the back to keep Corn warm enough, keep him from crying, and continue to argue with him to eat something, and the front to make sure Calamity didn't get so cold she threw up or passed out. In short, every time she came into the front room Calamity had made it her mission to stick a foot or arm out from under her quilt just to see Kitty sigh and come and shove it back under, making sure to tell Calamity the dangers of a reptile getting too cold as she did so.

Kitty came rushing in just at the right time, covered in soup and what could've been saliva.

"Oi, Kitty, didja fall in?" Calamity called, now more interested in the soaked mammal than in her game of poking out from under the blanket. She stood and pulled the quilt around her like a cape, padding over to Kitty as she did so.

As she got closer, she could see the bags under the poor fox's eyes, the tiredness in her face and posture.

"No, honey, Quetzalcoatl just won't seem to eat nothin'." Kitty put down the bowl in her hand and leaned down to fasten Calamity's blanket tighter around her, and as she did so Calamity was able to see that it was not saliva mixed with the soup over Kitty's dress, but was, in fact, vomit. She took a step back and stuck her tongue out.

"Honey, there's nothin' in there, he hasn't eaten in a week and a half," Kitty tried to calm Calamity's disgusted face, but it didn't seem to do anything. In fact, it made the girl decide she was going to help - it had to be tiresome trying to get the stubborn snake to eat, and from the look of it, Kitty needed to change clothes and shower. Badly. And so Calamity spoke up.

"I can try and get Corn to eat for ya," She looked up to Kitty hopefully, her tongue sticking out just a little and her eyes wide. "Beats sittin' here. _Alone._ "

Kitty sighed and put a hand to her face, then nodded her head slightly in agreement.

"If you think you can handle it, then I think I'm gonna go wash." Kitty began to walk away, but she stopped and turned to look back at Calamity. "Do not force that soup down his throat, young lady. If he's gonna eat, he'll do it with a little convincin'. He may bite if you force him, and we don't need the both of you down."

Calamity nodded and reached her hands out for the bowl, to which Kitty handed it to her somewhat reluctantly.

"Do be careful!" Kitty called as Calamity went trotting off with the bowl clutched with her tail.

Calamity turned around and shot Kitty two finger guns. Kitty rolled her eyes.

Calamity stopped when she got to the door to Kitty's room, which had to be where Corn was. Kitty would never let him sleep in that little make-shift nest of pillows and blankets that was way too close to the floor while he was sick. She knocked, as Kitty had begun insisting she do after she accidentally walked in on her elder dressing. And had proceeded to ask many questions about fox anatomy.

And so she knocked, and waited for a response. When she got none, she knocked again.

"Corn! I'm coming in, and you're gonna eat this," She called. She was greeted with the sound of retching, and so she thought it would be best to just go on in.

Corn was lying in Kitty's bed, cuddled under many blankets in a bed that seemed twenty sizes too big for him. He was curled around an old looking wooden pail, emptying the non-existent contents of his stomach when Calamity came in. He started and looked up, eyes wide and body stiff.

Calamity had forgotten how skittish Corn had become lately, and pretended that the look of discomfort he had around her didn't make her feel rejected.

"Oi, stop lookin' at me like that, you hafta eat." Calamity hopped carefully up on to the bed, scuttling up close to her friend and pretending not to notice how he shifted away from her. "You done with that?"

Corn swallowed then nodded, so Calamity moved the filthy pail onto the ground. She switched the soup from her tail into her hands, then took the spoon and filled it. Corn, looking embarrassed that his peer was feeding him, shied away, closing his eyes.

"Oh, come on, do you not understand it or something?" Calamity pointed to the bowl. "This is soup, it's good for you. Yum."

He didn't budge.

She tried being polite.

"Please, Corn? For Kitty?" Nothing.

Threatening.

"Corn, if you don't eat this I will find you in your sleep. I know where you live, Corn." Nothing.

Begging.

"Corn, I beg of you, please just eat this, please do it, Kitty wants you to, I promise."

And, still, nothing. Calamity was getting aggravated at this point. She bit her lip, making a face of annoyance. He had to eat; Kitty had said so. But she had also said not to force it, but then again…

Corn wouldn't eat on his own; he just wouldn't. Calamity was getting kind of angry, and the way he acted like she was a stranger wasn't helping. And so, she thought, one spoonful wouldn't hurt.

She took the spoon and filled it, then quickly tried to stuff it down his slightly-gaping mouth.

Corn was tired. He was tired, groggy, and his stomach was in knots, and he was in a different bed than normal, with someone whom he hadn't been close with in at least a few months, and he didn't know what to think. He was struggling, to say the least, and, honest, he hadn't _tried_ to bite her hand instead of the spoon. He had honestly meant to take the soup willingly, but then he actually saw it. He didn't understand soup. It was a liquid, and yet had bits of solid in it. It was warm, and yet had foods supposed to be served cold in it; it was confusing, and looked very unappetizing, so much that when it was nearing his mouth his stomach began rolling, and he reacted in the only way he knew - he bit Calamity's hand.

"Ow, Corn, what the heck?!" Calamity shouted before punching him in the face. She punched hard - but it was fueled by pain and surprise rather than actual anger, and so it didn't hurt Corn too much. It was still enough for him to hiss at her loudly and scoot away, but as tears came to the lizard's eyes and her hand began to swell, Corn made himself scarce. He darted off of the bed and under it, and once there covered his head with his hands. This was bad; he hadn't meant to hurt her. But he had, and now she was crying, and soon enough he heard Kitty burst into the room.

"What in the name of the old man is goin' on in here?!" She shouted before her eyes locked on Calamity curled around her hand on the bed and Corn no where in sight. She sighed. She had known this would happen.

"Honey, how bad did he get you?" She asked, coming forward to sit on the bed, pulling Calamity's shaking hand from her chest and looking at the wound.

"I'm fine, Kitty, I am," She insisted, trying to pull her hand back. Her eyes betrayed her, however. No one who is fine has uncontrolled tears rolling down her face.

"Well, we gotta get this seen about, rattlesnakes can be pretty venomous. Like the last six times he's got ya." Kitty stood and gathered the slightly-bigger-than-she-remembered Calamity in her arms, showing off her strength as she did so.

"Don't be mad at Corn, Kitty, it was my fault." Calamity whispered, wiping tears from her flushed face with her still functioning hand. Kitty smiled.

"I know." She looked back up quickly, "Quetzalcoatl, sweetpea, we gotta get Calamity to Ixtlilton. You're not in trouble, honey, we just need to get her taken care of and I can't leave you here alone. Maybe we can get ya somethin' for your stomach, too."

Corn bashfully slithered his way out from under the bed, then moved up to Kitty and grabbed her skirts, eyes still downcast. Calamity took a breath to calm her pain, then leaned over Kitty's arm to see the small snake, a bruise beginning to form over his right cheek where Calamity had punched him.

"Don't worry, Corn. We're even now."

* * *

 _Talk to Me!_

 _{Five months later}_

It was summer, which meant that almost everyone could be out and about without any trouble. Which meant that Calamity had to do Kitty's outdoor chores for her due to a misguided hand that flung right into a shelf of jarred pumpkin and knocked every single one shattering to the ground during the winter.

And so there she was, dressed in her best work clothes (in her younger days they had been deemed 'play clothes', but they weren't that now; now, a _thirteen_ year old was too old for _play clothes.),_ weeding Kitty's side flower garden before planting fresh roses to replace those that had been lost in last winter's blizzard. It had been hours with her out there in the hot sun, and though she couldn't sweat, she was moist from the humidity in the air, and covered in at least a pound of dark soil. It had gathered everywhere; under her fingernails, in the nape of her neck, and in a few places dirt should never be. She shuddered thinking about, wiggling slightly and excited to bathe later that night.

But even with the heat and dirt, Calamity was glad to be outside at Kitty's this day, because Corn, her best friend with whom she hadn't spoken in months, was also out working for his adoptive sister. He was working in his and Kitty's new small corn field, about ten feet away from where Calamity was, but she could still see him. And she was still able to be close enough to plan her attack.

Corn had started to become reclusive around the last fall. He had begun shying away from her, not wanting to play as much (though, as a thirteen year old, she no longer 'played', she would insist. She 'hung out') and would even refuse her offers of tending his new corn field together, and she thought that was a pretty generous offer. Of course, she wasn't too upset - he wasn't just skittish around _her,_ it was _everyone._ He was even becoming skittish with Kitty, which was extremely hard to believe. He had always been skittish, that was true, but never this much - never this much with his best friend.

And so, Calamity decided she needed to fix that. The only question was _how._ She thought about asking Kitty, but the fox would more than likely tell her to "leave him alone" and that he'd "come around eventually."

 _Boring._ She needed him to pay attention to her _now._

Kitty came out then, sporting a gorgeous summer gown ( _Not_ work clothes, Calamity noted) and holding a flowered tray with two glasses and a pitcher of lemonade.

Calamity was next to her instantly, her eyes looking greedily at the pitcher. It must've been hours since she came out here; she thought she at least deserved something to drink as payment.

"Honey, come on and get somethin' to drink, you'll get dehydrated out there." Kitty called to Corn, who was still buried deep in his work. Calamity looked sadly out to the boy, her mouth twitching in partial sadness and partial scheming.

"Ey, how come he doesn't talk much anymore?" She questioned, looking up to Kitty while she took a sip of cold lemonade.

Kitty sighed and pushed up her glasses.

"That I don't know. He might just be broodin', after that stunt you pulled on him last fall."

"Kittyyyy, that was almost a _year_ ago!" Calamity whined, flinging her hand out for emphasis as she recalled the kissing incident. "Besides, he's actin' distant with you, too, and you had no part in that."

"You be careful with that hand there, Calamity, that's what got you into this work in the first place." Kitty sounded reprimanding, but after a moment she sighed and looked to Corn, who was slowly making his way towards them. "I just don't know, sweetpea. I wish I could tell you."

Corn slithered up quietly and reached for the drink.

"Heya, Corn," Calamity tried, waving a hand at him. He nodded in recognition, but simply took his drink rather than saying anything.

"Thank you," He said softly to Kitty. She smiled.

"Any time, darlin'. You come in if you get too hot now, okay?" Corn nodded, then slithered away, drink in hand.

Calamity sighed, hunching over and dangling her hands in front of her with her now empty glass in defeat.

"Don't you go messin' with him, Calamity. He's not bein' rude on purpose, that's just how he is these days." Kitty leaned down and caught Calamity's cup as it slipped from her hand and put it back on the tray.

"You get back to work, and come get me if you need anything."

Calamity gave a small, "Thanks, Kitty," before heading back to her flowers. Of course she'd said not to mess with him. Calamity had known that, but it still felt like a kick in the stomach. She never _meant_ to break rules, it's just that the rules only came _after_ she makes her big plans, and it's not like she can take her plans back. Well, she could, but she didn't want to.

And so, once she made sure Kitty was inside, away from a window, she crept over to the tiny corn field and glanced in.

There he was, just slithering about, humming to himself as he watered his plants lovingly. Calamity took a breath and moved out of the way just in time as he turned his head, and quickly decided that it was now or never.

She backed up a good five feet, took a deep breath, and began to run as fast as she could. As soon as she got to the big square of cornstalks she jumped, launching herself fairly high into the air.

"TALK TO ME!" She cried as she flew. Things went in slow motion then; Corn looked up in surprise, his eyes widened, Calamity became surprisingly aware of what had happened the _last_ time she had spooked him, she tried to stop herself too late, yelling as she did so. She saw Corn's terrified mouth open slightly, and then she was on him, and her nose was throbbing with pain. She had landed sprawled on top of him after knocking him down, and now the two were lying there, Calamity's snout beginning to swell and sting as the venom took hold and Corn shaking with fear. And Calamity started to laugh.

Kitty rushed outside as soon as she heard the commotion, drying her hands from washing dishes on her apron and pushing through the corn stalks as fast as she could. She was expecting someone to be lying on the ground, impaled by a scarecrow, or stuck with rose thorns, or being dragged away by a kidnapper. What she had not expected was to find the two children, Calamity's nose turning a nasty purple color as it swelled, sitting up and leaning on each other, _laughing._

"You shoulda - you shoulda seen your face!" Calamity laughed, holding her side. Corn giggled beside her.

"MY face? What about yours?!" He cried, before he saw Kitty. His face reddened a tad and he tried to quiet his laughing, but only partially succeeded.

"What in the world is going on out here?!" Kitty shouted, hands on her hips and her breathing ragged.

"Uhm, I jumped on Corn - " Calamity broke off in a laugh, "and 'e bit me, but only accidentally,"

"Sorry," Corn giggled quietly, putting a hand to her swollen nose. "I'm learning to heal; I can …help with it."

"Heavens to Betsy, I thought somebody got killed out here!" Kitty shouted, leaning forward to the two children. "You two are lucky Calamity needs medical attention, cause if she didn't you'd both be fixin' to get a beatin' for scarin' me like that and squashing my cornstalks!"

"Sorry, ma'am." Calamity mumbled, and Corn nodded, standing slightly behind Calamity as if to hide.

Kitty surprised them by smiling then, and shaking her head.

"I'm glad to see you two makin' up and back to causin' just as much trouble as you used to."

* * *

 _Revenge is Soggy_

 _{Two months later}_

Talking to Huey always came kind of as an involuntary thing to Corn. It wasn't that he didn't _like_ Huey, it was just that Huey was a little too excited for Corn's shy personality. And yet, on a regular basis, the two managed to get into a conversation. It wasn't uncommon at all for them to talk, and yet this time was different.

This time had just managed to fall when Calamity was sleeping over.

Calamity and Corn hadn't spent the night together since Corn was about seven, so maybe three years ago. That being said, after going through a long period of not talking, the two had finally made up, and needed a bit of time to catch up and talk. Well, mostly it was Calamity doing the talking, but Corn enjoyed listening.

They had talked about everything, from Icky being the biggest 'grouchy McRuleBook' in history, to how Kitty had left enough pillows out for them that they could build a fortress (to them building a fortress), to reminiscing about the past. Eventually it had been brought up about all the times Calamity had pranked Corn at the sleepovers; charcoal make overs on his face, water dumped over his face, his tail-sock placed in the freezer after being soaked in water, the infamous incident in which she yelled over him and he bit…

All quite fun in her eyes, and Corn laughed on beside her, though only partially seeing the humor in it.

They had fallen asleep shortly after four am, both curled up on the old scrappy mattress that had been dragged out again after three years, in the living room by the fire.

Once Corn had woken, he slithered into the kitchen to check on Kitty's windowsill flowers as he couldn't stand lying awake for long. He planned to let his friend sleep, always too shy to wake anyone other than Kitty, and even then, he would only do so if he was sick or hurt or too cold. But he had no reason to wake his friend, and so he planned to simply slither about, maybe check on his corn outside, when he heard voices on the porch.

"Heya, Kitty! I caught you and the kiddos some fish!"

Huey. It had to be. Corn carefully stuck his head out the door, hoping not to be seen. To no avail. Kitty quickly whispered, to which Corn could only kind of hear it.

"Don't you go pickin' on him, Huey. Be nice."

Oh, dear, Corn thought, and he prepared to be talked to.

"Hiya, Corn, you doin' good?" He grinned, albeit somewhat nervously. Corn nodded. "I hear you got Calamity over, she good?" Corn nodded again, but with a look from Kitty that said _say something,_ he elaborated.

"Sleeping," He mumbled. Kitty smiled.

"You boys play nice for just a second, I'm gonna go get you," She pointed to Huey, "some of those dried cherries you asked for."

Kitty walked away, leaving the two in silence.

"So, uh… You two haven't played together recently, everything doin' good?" Huey said, and Corn didn't correct him that they called it "hanging out" now that they were bigger.

"Yes." He responded, looking at the ground. "She just spooked me last time."

At this, Huey's eyes lit up. "Ooh, ooh, I know how to spook people!" He grinned, "You could give her a good ol' prank! That sure would give her a scare!"

Corn also didn't bother to mention that he didn't like pulling pranks. Or that Calamity might kill him if he woke her up.

Huey grinned, sticking his tongue out.

"Come on, I'll help you!"

And now, Corn was roped into something he wasn't sure he wanted to be roped into.

The two went out to the rain barrel with a bowl, and Huey filled it carefully before bringing it back inside where he placed it near the fire. Corn didn't know what Huey was doing, but he knew he didn't want to be a part of it. He looked over his shoulder to Calamity, where she was lying sprawled on the mattress, her mouth gaping as she drooled and snored a tiny bit, her small chest rising and falling softly. She was on her back, her hands flopped to either side, with one falling just barely over the edge of the mattress.

After a few minutes, Huey turned, his face excited as he bounced slightly.

"Here ya go, Corn. Now, go take that and put her hand in it. That'll sure spook her!" He grinned, handing Corn the warm bowl.

Oh. Corn knew this joke, but only as Calamity had told him last night that she had almost done it to him once in the past but had spilled the water and was forced to clean up. He didn't really want to do this to Calamity, but Huey was _right there_ and saying no seemed like a far fetched idea. And so he did as he was told, and carefully dipped Calamity's right hand into the wide bowl.

Before anything could happen, Kitty came back in with Huey's cherries. Huey pouted slightly, his ears drooping, but stood up none the less.

"Have fun with that!" He smiled, prancing over to Kitty and following her outside.

Corn didn't _want_ to have fun with it, but it was too late now. The sheets around Calamity had become damp and she was stirring quite a bit. Corn blushed and covered his face with his hands.

Calamity soon shot up, her eyes groggy in the ten am light.

"Corn, what the…" And then she noticed, and her blue face went scarlet. She quickly jumped up, her night gown soaked through and her face only growing redder. "You filthy vermin!"

And soon she was chasing him, and he couldn't quite go faster than Calamity when she was filled with rage, and soon he was pinned to the ground.

"Why, Corn?!" She yelled. He tried to break free subconsciously, and the instant his hand hit her face her teeth were clamped down hard over his wrist. Corn winced, and before he knew it, tears were dripping down his face. Calamity quickly let go with her teeth. She got off of him then and allowed him to sit up, careful not to let the disgust she had at her soaked night gown show in her face as she sat back.

"I'm s-sorry!" Corn whimpered. He hated when people were mad at him, especially when it wasn't his fault.

"Oi, stop bein' a cry baby, I'm not gonna kill you," Calamity mumbled, pulling Corn's hands from his face and giving him a smile. "Sorry. For bitin' you, I mean." The voices from outside rose then as Huey shouted a goodbye, and Calamity glowered. "Did Huey put you up to this?"

Corn nodded slowly, still trying to stop his eyes from overflowing. Calamity growled, then stood.

"Well, nothin' we can do now except wash up."

Kitty walked in then, having just been to the living room.

"Aren't you a little old to be wettin' the bed, honey?"

Calamity blushed.

"You explain this one, Corn. Then we'll be even."

And then Calamity darted off to the outhouse, and Corn was left with wide eyes and a question to answer.

"And Quetzalcoatl, why're you bleedin'?"

* * *

 _Chilly_

 _{Almost one year later}_

Calamity was relieved when, finally, Quetzalcoatl came slithering through her door.

She had decided to take a walk earlier in the day. Seeing as though it was warm, she had foregone her coat, and she didn't plan to take long. But, by the time the sun had set, heat leaving with it, a certain lizard had gotten distracted, and still wasn't home. This prompted a very worried Ichabod to set off looking for her, eventually finding her in the worst possible position. She was passed out from the cold, her eyes closed and her body frigid on the edge of the path as snow began to fall. He - with mild difficulty - scooped her from beside the path, and carried her back to her own small shack at the base of his tree. The polite thing to do, he reasoned, would be to take Chalchiutlicue to his place, so he could keep an eye on her.

But, reptiles had a tendency to... vomit, when cold. It wasn't that he was paranoid; it had happened before, and all over him, at that, and he had no desire to deal with that in his house again if it could be avoided. Truth be told, for all his brotherly care the one thing he could not stand, the one thing that disgusted him more than anything else, was vomit. But he didn't want to leave his sister alone; it wasn't as if it had been her conscious decision to make herself so sick. And at the same time, he didn't think he could deal with any bodily fluids at the moment. That's why, as soon as he dumped Chalchiutlicue in her bed, he set out to recruit Quetzalcoatl.

* * *

Corn anxiously slithered around the room, throwing quilts over Calamity's still form and checking the - soup? It looked like soup - that Ichabod had started. Eventually, the lizard woke up, immediately doubling over and emptying the contents of her stomach in the strategically placed bowl beside her bed before collapsing back into the mound of blankets.

" 'Eh, Corn," She greeted, a hand going to wipe her mouth. She hated being sick like this. He raised a hand in acknowledgment, coming closer to check on her.

"Would you... like some soup?" He offered, gesturing to a pot hung over the stove.

"Sure." She drawled the word out, not pleased with the situation she found herself in. Quetzalcoatl retrieved a spoon and bowl, fished out what he deemed to be a suitable amount of liquid, and placed it on Calamity's lap. He spooned some out, starting it toward her mouth as she had done for him in the past two years, before she interrupted.

"I can feed myself, ya know?" She protested, and removed the spoon from Corn's trembling hand. Though it seemed this hadn't been a great idea, as hers wasn't any stabler. Yet, she was determined to feed herself, so she slowly pulled the utensil to her lips... only for it to be empty. Calamity tiredly glanced down, finding a dribbled trail of soup across the blankets layered on her lap. Wonderful.

She surrendered her spoon to the hesitant hand Corn extended, and opted to glare at the steaming bowl of liquid. Chalchiutlicue would never admit it, but she felt awful. She was cold. She was tired. Her throat was burning from the acidity of her vomit. And, to top it all off, Icky had dumped her the first chance he got. Not that she'd blame him. She was a mess.

A tap on her leg snapped her from her daze. Calamity accepted the reed straw held out to her, laying it in the side of her bowl, now able to enjoy her soup. Quetzalcoatl stood nervously by the bed, wringing his hands. "Can I get you anything else?"

"Not tha-" she launched upright in a coughing fit, instinctively throwing out an arm to catch herself as a wave if nausea hit her, using the closest thing to her to push herself over the bowl so that she would not vomit on herself. With her disorientation, however, the reaction was poorly aimed, and her hand shot straight for Corn, spooking him. He snapped at her arm, grazing the scales before fleeing the room.

When she finally caught herself and was able to stop the coughing and retching, she noticed several things. The first, and most obvious, was that she had soup spilled all over her lap. The second, was that Corn was gone. And the third - her arm was _burning_. She looked down at her forearm, which was the place of discomfort, and wasn't all that surprised to find two shallow puncture marks. They had slightly nicked the skin, but it was enough to sting. And add to her nausea.

"Corn?" She tried calling for him. "Corn? You still here?" _Great_ , she thought. At least it wouldn't be bad enough to require serious attention. Though, now she was stuck in bed, still too cold to do much more than sit up, soup spilled across her legs, with a snake bite. Alone.

"Icky?" She called, hoping he'd hear her. Moments passed with no response. She tried again. Still, nothing. She heaved a sigh, shooting a glare at the swelling bite on her arm. Corn would come back eventually, she knew. She'd just have to sit here until he did, or she warmed enough to move.

 _Wonderful. Just... wonderful._

* * *

 _Thank you again for reading!_

 _Both of us have been introduced to Betsy Lee's No Evil, which is a wonderful, wonderful animated series which can be found on youtube._

 _McAwsome came up with this amazing idea of doing a compilation of one shots about times Corn has bitten Calamity, and, as both of us didn't have much time to write, we split them in half! These have all been written in one day - not one day each, but every single short in one twenty four hours due to the busy school schedule starting up tomorrow. We've done as much research as we could for this, the only problem being probably inaccurate living situations._

 _I assumed that while Corn and Calamity grew up they would live with their elders, and McAwsome had written Calamity in her own home_ _in_ _Chilly. We're still figuring out how the living arrangements worked, so bare with us and enjoy this very long one shot. Thanks one more time!_

 _Now, for ages and seasons -_

 _Poker Face - Spring - Written by The-Singular-Peep_

 _-Calamity is 5_

 _-Corn is 1_

 _-Kitty is 10_

 _-Icky is 11_

 _Feathers are funny! - Winter - Written by McAwsome_

 _-Calamity is 7_

 _-Corn is 3_

 _-Kitty is 12_

 _-Icky is 13_

 _Calamity, Goddess of War - Winter - Written by The-Singular-Peep_

 _-Calamity is 7_

 _-Corn is 3_

 _-Kitty is 12_

 _-Icky is 13_

 _Wake up! - Summer - Written by McAwsome_

 _-Calamity is 9_

 _-Corn is 5_

 _-Kitty is 14_

 _-Icky is 15_

 _Boo! - Summer - Written by McAwsome_

 _-Calamity is 11_

 _-Corn is 7_

 _-Kitty is 16_

 _-Icky is 17_

 _Kiss me! - Fall - Written by The-Singular-Peep_

 _-Calamity is early 12_

 _-Corn is late 8_

 _-Icky is 18_

 _-Wrip is 16_

 _-Vinkle is 18_

 _Food Poisoning - Winter - Written by The-Singular-Peep_

 _\- Calamity is late twelve_

 _\- Corn is early 9_

 _\- Kitty is 17_

 _\- Icky is 18_

 _Talk to me! - Summer - Written by The-Singular-Peep_

 _-Calamity is early 13_

 _-Corn is 9_

 _-Kitty is 18_

 _-Icky is 19_

 _Revenge is Soggy- Fall - Written by The-Singular-Peep_

 _-Calamity is 13_

 _-Corn is early 10_

 _-Kitty is 19_

 _-Icky is 20_

 _-Huey is 19_

 _Chilly - late fall - Written by McAwsome_

 _-Calamity is 14_

 _-Corn is 10_

 _-Kitty is 19_

 _-Icky is 20_


End file.
